Kiss friends: an ambiguous relationship. How Yoitoki thinks about building "clear intentions" and mutual understanding

"I wonder if I will hear from them again," "Is this relationship okay as it is?"... Even in a relationship where pleasant kisses are exchanged, when the definition of the relationship is ambiguous, feelings of anxiety and doubt may arise somewhere in the heart. This could be a sign that mutual expectations and desired relationship images are misaligned.

The relationship form of "Kiss friends" may seem free and casual at first glance, but it carries the risk of one-sided assumptions, hurting each other, and deepening feelings of loneliness due to a lack of communication and mismatched intentions. While many guides focus on how to create such relationships, they often overlook the essential "quality of the relationship."

This article offers guidance not simply as a guide for "Kiss friends," but based on Yoitoki's philosophy of "Professionally Guided, Emotionally Equal", to think together about how to build a relationship while respecting each other and clarifying intentions. We will explore the first steps towards a sincere human relationship that understands each other's values, rather than creating friction from ambiguity.

Table of Contents

• The foundation of a healthy relationship is "mutual effort." The art of dialogue to clarify intentions
• Graduating from ambiguity. The next steps for those seeking deeper connections
• FAQ Section
• Conclusion
• Shall we start a new form of meeting?

The psychology of choosing kiss friends | The first step to facing your "true feelings" and those of others

Entering an ambiguous relationship is often an unconscious choice. "I went with the flow without thinking deeply," "I wanted to avoid troublesome discussions." However, behind this choice lies individual psychological backgrounds and the complex dynamics of modern society. Here, we will unravel the inner motivations for choosing this relationship form, going beyond the superficial image of "it seems fun," while incorporating professional insights.

What lies behind the desire for "freedom"

The desire for a "free and unrestrained relationship" is rooted in various psychological factors. One is the desire to concentrate on work, career, or personal goals. There may be times when one wishes to temporarily distance themselves from the responsibilities and time constraints associated with deep commitments. Additionally, past experiences of being deeply hurt in previous relationships may serve as a defense mechanism, leading one to unconsciously avoid emotional involvement. Furthermore, the societal pressures and expectations associated with labels such as "partner" or "spouse" in modern society can also create a yearning for a "nothing relationship."

However, Yoitoki emphasizes the importance of not overlooking these backgrounds as mere circumstances. These factors may reflect your own emotional state and fundamental needs regarding relationships. It is necessary to be aware of the risk that a relationship serving as a temporary refuge can deprive you of opportunities for self-understanding regarding "what you truly seek."

Common desires that transcend gender and overlooked warning signs

The psychology of seeking a "Kiss friend" relationship involves universal human desires that transcend gender. For example, "a sense of security." When feeling lonely, the sensation of being physically and emotionally connected to someone specific brings temporary comfort. Also, "the desire for approval." The feeling of being "chosen" or "accepted" sexually or personally can serve to bolster self-esteem. Of course, the aspect of fulfilling "physical desires" cannot be denied.

The issue lies in the side effects brought about by the "ambiguity" of the relationship while fulfilling these desires. Due to the lack of clear commitments, one may fluctuate in emotions based on the partner's attitude or frequency of contact, amplifying the fundamental anxiety of "Am I worthy enough?" If this state continues for too long, it may no longer be a "free relationship," but rather a precarious state of dependency on the partner's approval, where self-worth is shaken. Yoitoki's principle of "Emotionally Equal" is exactly to protect both parties from such one-sided emotional depletion.

Yoitoki Angle Diagnosis: "Are you really seeking a 'Kiss Friend'?"

Before jumping into a superficial relationship, taking a moment to reflect on yourself is the most important first step. Please answer the following questions honestly. This is the entrance to the deep self-understanding that Yoitoki envisions.

1. What is the biggest thing you seek from this relationship? (e.g., alleviation of loneliness, stress relief, regaining confidence, pure enjoyment)
2. Can that desire be fulfilled in other ways (time with friends, hobbies, self-investment, etc.)?
3. If your partner said tomorrow, "I want to break up," how would you feel? Would you primarily feel hurt, or would you feel a sense of light relief?
4. If you knew this relationship would not develop into a "romantic" one, would you still want to continue?
5. In the long term, do you believe you can gain what you seek from a life partner (shared values, mutual growth, deep trust) from this relationship?

These questions are meant to help you discern whether you are seeking the form of a "Kiss Friend" itself or if you are attempting to fulfill underlying emotional needs of "wanting to connect," "wanting to be understood," "wanting security" in the wrong way. At the core of Yoitoki's approach is the pursuit of "deep self-understanding and essential compatibility." Everything begins with clarifying the "quality" and "purpose" of the relationship, not its "form."

The foundation of a healthy relationship is "mutual effort." The art of dialogue to clarify intentions

Once you deepen your self-understanding, the next step is to share and materialize it with your partner. A healthy and sustainable relationship, even if it's not a traditional romantic one, is built on the active and equal "mutual effort" of both parties. The crux of this effort lies in clarifying intentions while eliminating ambiguity and supporting it with sincere communication.

Negotiating the definition of the relationship

Instead of relying on labels like "partners," "friends," or "Kiss friends," it is important to discuss what those labels actually mean in terms of specific actions and expectations. This should not be a cold, business-like negotiation but rather a compassionate process to ensure each other's comfort and respect.

Examples of specific discussion topics include:

• Frequency and communication: "How often would you like to meet each week?" "Do you expect daily contact (Good morning/night, etc.)?"
• Exclusivity and openness of the relationship: "Will we discuss other romantic interests? How do you feel about dating other people?"
• Behavior in public: "How will you introduce us if we run into friends or colleagues? Are there rules for posting on social media or tagging?"
• Scope of support: "When significant issues arise in work or personal life, to what extent do you expect to support each other?"

Only through such dialogues can the relationship transition from an unstable foundation of "implicit understanding" to a solid foundation of "mutual understanding." What Yoitoki asks of users is precisely this "the proactive ability to articulate and align intentions." This can be considered a fundamental skill for maintaining health in serious partner searches as well as in all kinds of relationships.

Creating a safe space to say "no"

Clarifying intentions also means making each other's "boundaries" clear. In a healthy relationship, there exists a safe space where both parties can communicate their boundaries and respect each other's. This is directly linked to the concept of "Safety & Quality" that the Yoitoki community emphasizes.

For instance, how can you communicate when you can't meet as often as your partner expects, or when you feel resistance to a particular action? Using "I messages" that are neither aggressive nor self-deprecating can be effective.

• "Are you too busy to meet this week?" (× accusatory tone)
• "I have a tight deadline at work this week, and it seems I won't be able to find time. I'm sorry, but I think I can adjust next week." (◎ presenting facts and alternatives using "I" as the subject)
• "That's a bit..." (× vague with no reason)
• "I'm not really comfortable with that. Is there another way I could express my feelings?" (◎ conveying your feelings and suggesting alternatives)

Relationships that can communicate in this manner can build a very mature trust, even without romantic feelings. Respecting your partner's "no" leads to a sense of security that your own "no" will also be respected, enhancing the overall quality of the relationship.

Regular relationship check-ins

Human emotions and life situations change. There is no guarantee that what was initially agreed upon remains optimal three months or six months later. Therefore, I propose the practice of "regular relationship check-ins." This is an opportunity to check the health of the relationship proactively, rather than reacting to problems after they arise.

Every few months, in a calm environment, let's pose the following questions to each other:

• "How do you feel about continuing this relationship now?"
• "Are there any rules or expectations we initially discussed that still feel good, or ones that feel a bit off?"
• "Do you think our relationship positively impacts each other's personal goals (work, study, friendships, etc.)?"

This process cultivates an attitude of perceiving the relationship not as a "fixed entity" but as a "living thing that we nurture together." Yoitoki's philosophy of "mutual growth" is built on continuous dialogue and mutual adjustments, not just in romantic relationships.

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Graduating from ambiguity. Next steps for those seeking deeper connections

Based on the content so far, some of you may have realized, "What I really seek is a deeper and more certain connection." Others may enjoy the "Kiss friend" relationship but still harbor a desire to find a serious partner somewhere in their hearts. In this section, we will consider concrete steps to break free from the loop of ambiguous relationships and move toward relationships that are fundamentally fulfilling.

How "Kiss friend" relationships can hinder true partnerships

At first glance, it seems possible to balance "a casual relationship" with "serious exploration," but psychologically, the former often becomes a hindrance to the latter. There are mainly two reasons for this.

Firstly, time and emotional energy get dispersed. When a certain level of security and desire for approval is met, the psychological and time capacity to actively seek a serious partner and build new relationships diminishes. This is called "opportunity loss," which leads to distancing oneself from the possibility of truly meeting someone compatible.

Secondly, there is a risk that the standards for "relationship quality" unknowingly decrease. As one becomes accustomed to relationships that can exist without clear intentions or deep dialogues, the importance of "mutual effort" and "shared values" that should be sought in a serious partner may feel relatively diminished. Yoitoki advocates for "Advanced Relationship Intelligence", which refers to stepping out of such unconscious comfort zones and aiming for higher-dimensional relationships.

The courage to clearly communicate intentions: The benefits of declaring "I am looking for a partner"

If you are looking for a serious partner, there is significant benefit in clearly declaring this to those around you and the people you meet. This is not "greedy," but rather a respectful, honest, and mature attitude towards your own and the other person's time.

Expressing "I am looking for a partner" serves as a powerful filter. It prevents you from wasting your time and emotional energy on people who are not aligned with your goals. At the same time, it lays the foundation for gaining trust from those similarly seeking serious connections. Yoitoki's platform promotes "serious encounters" precisely because it regards "Clarity of Intent" as a basic principle of the community, providing a place where everyone can honestly express their feelings with confidence.

For example, writing in your dating app profile, "I will decline if you are looking for a casual relationship for both our sakes." Or naturally conveying in conversation, "I am looking for a partner with whom I can build a serious relationship in the future." These are expressions of your sincerity.

The importance of the "values filter"

The era of choosing people based solely on appearance or initial "chemistry" is long past. The foundation of long-term happiness lies in deep alignment in values such as life philosophy, communication style, future vision, and how to face challenges.

So, how can you discern this "alignment of values"? It involves broadening the previously mentioned "negotiating the definition of the relationship" dialogue to deeper aspects of life.

• Life philosophy: "How do you view work-life balance? What do you hold most dear in life?"
• Communication: "When opinions clash, what do you think is the ideal way to resolve it? How do you usually express gratitude or appreciation?"
• Future vision: (When it's appropriate to discuss future topics) "Do you have an image of family dynamics or where you would like to live in the future?"

Through such questions, touching on the other person's inner self, you can understand commonalities and differences with yourself. This is the essence of what Yoitoki aims to achieve through "Kokoromusubi," which means "heart connection" – matching based on essential compatibility. Rather than chasing superficial "encounters," this approach seeks to explore the potential for "connections" with each person on a deeper level.

FAQ Section

Q1: Is it possible for a kiss friend relationship to naturally evolve into a romantic one?

A: While it's not impossible, it often presents challenges due to the initial unspoken understanding of "not wanting a romantic relationship." What Yoitoki recommends is to discuss intentions regarding each other's relationship honestly from the outset. Instead of leaving it to chance, confirming early whether both parties intend to find partners can ultimately protect both hearts and serve as a shortcut to a genuinely progressive relationship.

Q2: How should I communicate if I develop romantic feelings for my kiss friend?

A: This is the moment when "Clarity of Intent" is most crucial. Rather than just confessing "I like you," suggest "I would like to discuss this relationship seriously." Set a space for dialogue to discover how your feelings have changed and how the other person feels, without blaming each other. Yoitoki emphasizes not imposing one-sided feelings but rather embracing changes and choosing the next steps together based on mutual understanding.

Q3: Is it against the rules to enjoy a kiss friend relationship while also looking for a serious partner?

A: The most important thing is to clarify "intentions and boundaries" with everyone involved. Is there an agreement about "looking for others" in the kiss friend relationship? Additionally, how open will you be about your current relationships with new people you meet? Progressing while leaving these points ambiguous poses a risk of causing significant conflict or hurt later on. Yoitoki emphasizes the importance of self-understanding and communication skills to remain honest in all relationships.

Q4: What is a good way to end this relationship amicably when I feel tired of it?

A: In line with the spirit of "Professionally Guided," it is ideal to maintain clear communication at the conclusion, just as at the start of the relationship. Instead of saying "you are at fault," convey "my feelings and situation have changed" using "I messages," and express gratitude for the time spent together. Yoitoki aims to foster the ability to navigate milestones in all relationships with "mutual respect."

Q5: If I am seeking serious encounters, should I avoid considering "Kiss friends" from the beginning?

A: It is not necessarily the case, but relationships without "Clarity of Intent" can often become opportunity costs for serious encounters. Time and emotions are finite. Yoitoki provides effective methods for meeting partners whose intentions resonate with the relationship model you truly seek (for example, a life partner with shared values and mutual growth) from the outset. It is important to make choices that align with your true feelings between the temporary comfort of ambiguous relationships and the lasting happiness of deeper connections.

Conclusion

The relationship of Kiss friends is one modern option. However, its essential success depends not on labels or techniques but on respecting each other's humanity, clearly communicating intentions, and being flexible in dialogue about changes - what we call "relationship intelligence."

A relationship free from the exhaustion of ambiguity, where values are understood, and support is mutual, is not just a matter of being "friends" or "partners" but a rich and deep human connection.

If you are seeking a serious partnership based on such mutual understanding and deep compatibility, Yoitoki's unique approach may assist you. We support encounters with clear intentions that resonate with your true heart.

Shall we start a new form of meeting?

For those who are tired of ambiguous relationships, if you seek connections built on mutual effort and true understanding, your place is here.

💖 Join Yoitoki now and meet people who share your feelings.