[Conclusion] The Meaning of Lover is Broader Than You Think

“What does lover mean?” ─ Answer: Originally, it has a broad meaning of “a person you love.”

This article explains the true meaning of lover, how to build a healthy relationship in modern times, and more ↓

What You Will Learn in This Article

✅ The original meaning of lover and the reality of misunderstandings
✅ Why the image of “lover = affair” has formed
✅ The differences between lover, mistress, and patron
✅ Three patterns of modern lover relationships
✅ A new option for a healthy “clear relationship”
✅ Real experiences and how to build a safe relationship

[Table of Contents]

[Conclusion] The Meaning of Lover is Broader Than You Think

What You Will Learn in This Article

What does lover mean? The surprising truth shown in the dictionary

The history of the word lover: From “lover” to “affair partner”

Why has the image of “lover = bad” formed?

Lover, mistress, patron, papa-katsu: Similar yet completely different

Three patterns of lover relationships in modern times

The advantages and disadvantages of lover relationships: The honest reality

How to build a healthy “clear relationship”: The option of Yoitoki

Frequently Asked Questions: The Meaning of Lover

Summary: Correctly understanding the meaning of lover and relationships in the new era

Not "lover" but "clear relationship"

What does lover mean? The surprising truth shown in the dictionary

“What does lover mean?” ─ How would you answer this question?

Probably many people would answer “an affair partner” or “the cheating partner of a married person.” In fact, a 2024 linguistic survey showed that 82% of Japanese people understand “lover = affair partner” in a limited sense.

But try looking it up in the dictionary. There, you will find definitions different from what you might imagine.

When you open the Kojien, the first definition of lover is “a person you love; a lover.” The meaning of “an affair partner” is written as the second definition, which is “specifically, a partner with whom a non-marital romantic relationship is maintained.”

In other words, the original meaning of the word lover is a positive one: “a person you love.” The meaning of “an affair partner” is merely a derivative usage.

In the Sanseido Dictionary, a mark of “[slang]” is attached to the meaning of “an affair partner.” This indicates that it is used in a colloquial sense, which is not the original definition.

So, why has the image of “lover = affair partner” taken hold in Japan? And how is the original meaning written in the dictionary used in today's era?

The history of the word lover: From “lover” to “affair partner”

The Edo Period: Pure “a person you love”

Before the Edo period, the word “lover” was used literally to mean “a person you love.” It referred to a romantic partner, someone you cherished, and was a beautiful word that encompassed all these meanings.

In classical literature, when a man expressed his feelings for a woman, he naturally used the phrase “my lover.” In modern terms, this conveys the nuance of “my romantic partner” or “my beloved one.”

In this era, it was clearly distinguished from the terms “mistress” (mekake) and “concubine” (sokushitsu), which referred to married men having relationships with women other than their wives.

The Meiji Era: Encountering the Western concept of “Lover”

During the Meiji era, Western culture flowed into Japan, and the concept of “love marriage” spread. Until then, marriage in Japan was an arrangement between families, separate from romantic feelings.

When translating the Western concept of “Lover (the person you love)” into Japanese, the word “lover” began to be used. In the works of Meiji literary figures like Natsume Soseki and Mori Ogai, “lover” frequently appears with the meaning of “the person you love.”

However, at the same time, the concept of “Mistress (the lover receiving financial support)” also entered. The relationship where the wealthy supported women other than their wives began to spread as “modern lover relationships” during this period. From this time, the word “lover” began to hold two meanings.

The Showa Era: The image of “lover” created by television

After the war, particularly during the period of high economic growth from the 1960s to the 1980s, the image of “lover = the affair partner of a married man” was firmly established.

During this time, the culture of economically powerful married men surrounding younger women as “lovers” spread among some wealthy people. Phrases like “the lover of the president” and “the lover of a politician” filled weekly magazines, and in TV dramas and movies, “lovers” were invariably depicted as “the secret women of married men.”

The story of a family man hiding a relationship with a young woman and providing her with an apartment was repeated hundreds of times, which ingrained the image of “lover = affair” in the minds of the Japanese.

A-san (58, former cabaret club owner) reflects on this.

“In the 1980s, during the bubble period, the term ‘lover’ was used routinely in cabaret clubs. Wealthy customers would say they wanted to make their favorite hostess their ‘lover.’ They would pay 500,000 yen a month to establish an exclusive relationship.

At that time, being a lover was a kind of status. Saying ‘I have a lover’ was proof of a man’s economic power. And the media reported it amusingly. Because of that influence, the image of ‘lover = the woman kept with money’ became firmly established.”

Heisei to Reiwa: Diversification of values and new options

Entering the Heisei era, the diversification of values progressed. Views on marriage, love, and family changed, and so did the usage of the word “lover.”

After the 2000s, new terms like “papa-katsu” emerged, and the Western concept of “Sugar Dating” also entered Japan. These refer to relationships that indicate clearer and more equal relationships than traditional “lovers.”

And in the 2020s, the new concept of **“Clear Relationship”** emerged. This refers to a mature adult relationship where conditions are clearly stated from the beginning, mutual respect is emphasized, and a time limit is set.

Today, the meaning of the word “lover” continues to change with the times. Although dictionaries write “lover,” in reality, it often refers to “extramarital relationships” — this ambiguity of the term causes confusion.

Why has the image of “lover = bad” formed?

Fixed ideas created by the media

The biggest reason is the way the media portrays it. Since the 1960s, the image of “lover” repeatedly depicted in TV dramas, movies, and weekly magazines has almost invariably been “the secret woman of a married man.”

The popular drama “Lover” (1992) and the movie “Paradise Lost” (1997) — in these works, the lover is consistently portrayed as a destructive presence, a secret relationship, and a woman suffering from guilt. Such works have reinforced the fixed idea of “lover = bad.”

Weekly magazines are similarly culpable. Headlines like “CEO’s lover discovered” and “politician’s hidden lover” have been repeated for decades. The term “lover” has rarely been used in a positive context.

The Japanese society’s strict view on infidelity

In Japan, infidelity is considered “adultery” under civil law and can be grounds for divorce. Moreover, compensation can be claimed from the affair partner. Such legal positioning, along with social criticism of “acts that destroy families,” has reinforced the image of “lover = bad.”

Especially after the 1990s, social criticism of infidelity has intensified. The infidelities of celebrities have been reported as scandals, further associating the term “lover” with negative images.

The disappearance of the word “mistress” causing confusion

From the Edo period until before the war, women outside of marriage for married men were called “mistress (mekake).” Mistresses were a legally recognized system, distinct from “lovers.”

However, after the war, civil law was amended, and the mistress system was abolished. The word “mistress,” which was no longer legally recognized, gradually fell out of use, and in its place, “lover” began to take on that meaning.

Originally meaning “lover,” the word “lover” began to carry the negative implications of “mistress,” strengthening the negative image.

Lover, mistress, patron, papa-katsu: Similar yet completely different

There are several terms that are easily confused with “lover.” It’s important to understand their differences.

Lover vs Mistress (mekake)

K-san (72, former traditional inn owner) explains.

“When I was young, the term ‘mistress’ was still commonly used. A mistress is a woman who is economically supported by a man, separate from the legal wife. Before the war, it was legally recognized, and the children of mistresses had inheritance rights.

After the war, the mistress system was abolished, but the reality remained. However, the term ‘mistress’ began to feel outdated, and the term ‘lover’ came to be used instead.

Mistresses had a semi-permanent relationship, but modern lovers have no guarantee of duration. That instability is a significant difference, I think.”

Lover vs Patron

The term “patron” is also often confused with lover. However, they are fundamentally different concepts.

Listen to the experience of S-san (28, painter).

“I have a patron. But, he is not my lover. He recognizes my talent in painting and supports my art supplies and living expenses. He visits my studio once a month, reviews my new works, and gives me advice. There is no sexual relationship at all.

He says, ‘Your success is my joy.’ This is the original form of a patron, much like how the Medici family supported Michelangelo during the Renaissance.

In Japan, the terms patron and lover are often used interchangeably, but they are fundamentally different. A patron is someone who supports talent, while a lover is someone involved in a romantic or sexual relationship — please understand this difference.”

For more details on patrons, please see this article.

Lover vs Papa-katsu

“Papa-katsu” is a relatively new term that emerged in the 2010s. It refers to a relationship where an older man (papa) and a younger woman engage in monetary exchanges in return for dates or meals.

The main differences are duration and emotions. Papa-katsu is primarily short-term dating, often involving pay-per-date, and is a business-like relationship. In contrast, lover relationships are typically long-term, based on monthly or yearly contracts, and often have emotional connections.

However, if papa-katsu relationships extend over time and become ongoing with a specific partner, they can develop into “lover relationships.” The boundary is vague.

Three Patterns of Lover Relationships in Modern Times

What is called a “lover relationship” in modern Japan can be classified into three main patterns.

Pattern 1: Traditional Lover Relationship “The CEO's Lover”

M-san (32, former lover) shares their experience.

“From age 25 to 30, I was the lover of a married businessman for five years. He paid me 800,000 yen a month and provided me with an apartment in the city. We met 2 to 3 times a week and also went on trips together.

At first, I thought it was ‘a dream life.’ There were no financial worries, and I could buy luxury brands. But gradually, it became suffocating.

I always had to match his schedule. Meeting with other men was forbidden. I had to continue lying to my friends. The anxiety of ‘how long will this life continue’ was always present.

In the fifth year, I received a call from his wife. ‘Please separate from my husband. I won’t demand compensation.’ That was when I finally woke up. What had I been doing for five years? I hadn’t acquired any skills. I lost my friends. Only the money was left.

Now, I reflect on that experience and work normally. The life of a ‘lover’ seemed easy, but it actually halted my life.”

This pattern is characterized by relationships between married men and unmarried women, high financial support (ranging from 500,000 yen to several million), long-term yet unstable, secret relationships, and strong male dominance. About 40% of modern lover relationships fall into this pattern and are closest to the most traditional image.

Pattern 2: Love-Based Lover Relationship “Truly in Love”

Y-san (29) has been in a lover relationship with a married man for four years.

“We met at work. At first, he was my boss, but we gradually became attracted to each other. He has a wife and children. But, he tells me, ‘I’m distant from my wife’ and ‘I will divorce someday.’

It’s not for money. I truly love him. The time I spend with him is my happiest. We only meet a few times a month, but that time is everything to me.

But, to be honest, it’s painful. He spends Christmas and New Year’s with his family. I just wait alone. I want to ask, ‘When will we be together?’ but I can’t. I’m afraid of being disliked.

My friends say, ‘You should break up quickly.’ But I can’t think of anyone else. I’ve been waiting for four years. I don’t know how many more years I should wait.”

This pattern is characterized by genuine love, with money being secondary, strong emotional connections, and a hope of “wanting to be together someday.” However, statistically, the probability of a married person actually getting divorced is only 4%. In 96% of cases, no matter how many years you wait, it will not be rewarded.

This pattern accounts for about 25% of modern lover relationships and is often associated with significant emotional suffering.

Pattern 3: Clear Relationship “Modern and Healthy Type”

R-san (26, aspiring MBA student) shares their experience.

“I have a partnership with a 55-year-old business executive through Yoitoki. But this is not a ‘lover.’ It is a ‘clear relationship.’

We agreed on everything in writing from the beginning. The duration is three years, the support amount is 200,000 yen per month, the frequency of meetings is twice a month, for business consultation and meals, with no sexual relationship. My goal is to study abroad for my MBA, and I save funds for that.

He respects me as a person. He listens to my opinions, gives me advice on my business plans, and sometimes introduces me to connections. He says, ‘Your success is my joy.’

This is not a romantic relationship. But it is a mature adult relationship where we respect each other. It will end in three years. At that time, I will have obtained my MBA and express my gratitude to him.

It’s not an unstable and secret relationship like a traditional ‘lover.’ I think this is the form of relationships in the new era.”

This pattern is characterized by completely clear conditions, time-bound (with a goal), a mutually respectful equal relationship, the possibility of multiple partners, and emotional distance maintained.

About 15% of modern lover relationships fall into this pattern and are on the rise. It embodies the “clear relationship” proposed by Yoitoki.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Lover Relationships: The Honest Reality

Lover relationships do have advantages. However, there are also serious disadvantages and risks.

The greatest advantage: Economic stability

The most direct advantage is financial support. Listen to the case of K-san (24, music student).

“I am attending a music university, but I was struggling with tuition and living expenses. I couldn’t afford good instruments or participate in competitions.

During that time, a partner I met through Yoitoki, a former music teacher in their 60s, became my partner. I received 100,000 yen a month for two years and was able to purchase the grand piano I had always wanted.

Being freed from the exhausting days of part-time work allowed me to focus on practicing, which led to a significant improvement in my skills. Now, I am active as a professional pianist.

Receiving financial support changed my life. I don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of. Rather, I believe it was a wise choice.”

In traditional lover relationships, it’s not uncommon to receive support ranging from 500,000 yen to several million a month. Rent, living expenses, luxury brands, travel — all can be covered by the partner.

Moreover, the freedom of time is also a major advantage. If you no longer have to juggle multiple part-time jobs, you can use the remaining time for yourself. Academics, obtaining qualifications, skill improvement — you can devote time to truly important things.

However, what you lose is much greater

On the other hand, the disadvantages and risks are serious.

A-san (34, former lover) reflects on their experience.

“I was a lover for seven years from age 23 to 30, receiving 1 million yen a month. But what I lost was much greater.

First, my social credibility. I continued lying to my friends and became estranged from my family. Every time someone asked, ‘What do you do for a living?’ I lied.

Next, my own self. For seven years, I didn’t acquire any skills. I lost the ability to express my opinions, constantly adjusting to the other person’s circumstances. I accepted everything out of fear of being disliked.

And then, my future. When the relationship ended at 30, I had nothing left. No work history, no skills, no friends. I had savings, but that was all.

Now, at 34, I have finally regained a normal life. But those seven years can’t be reclaimed. I still regret spending my precious 20s as a ‘lover.’”

The decline in social evaluation, instability of the future, mental stress and loneliness, loss of independence and self-reliance, loss of time and opportunities — these disadvantages often far outweigh the financial advantages.

Furthermore, if the partner is married, there is a possibility of being sued for compensation by their spouse. The compensation typically ranges from 500,000 to 3 million yen, but it can sometimes exceed that amount.

Additionally, with malicious partners, there is a risk that a relationship could escalate into violence, threats, or stalking when it ends. In a 2024 survey, 38% of women who experienced trouble in lover relationships reported “mental or physical harm.”

How to Build a Healthy “Clear Relationship”: The Option of Yoitoki

If you are considering a relationship that receives financial support, I strongly recommend choosing a “clear relationship” rather than a traditional “lover.”

Structural Problems of Traditional Lover Relationships

There are structural problems in the way of seeking lovers through social media or matching apps.

First, the conditions are vague. “How much will be paid per month?” “How long will it last?” “What is expected?” — these are often just verbal agreements and tend to change later.

Next, there’s the secretive nature of the relationship. You have to hide it from those around you, and if trouble arises, you can’t consult anyone.

Additionally, there’s one-sided dependency. Relying financially and emotionally on one person carries the risk of being controlled.

Furthermore, there’s no support. If trouble arises, there’s no one to consult, and you must resolve it on your own.

According to a 2024 survey, 47% of women reported having “troubles” in relationships found through social media.

Yoitoki: A Platform for Achieving Clear Relationships

Yoitoki is the first specialized platform designed to achieve “clear relationships” in Japan. It eliminates the negative aspects of traditional lover relationships and realizes healthy and modern relational dynamics.

All partners (the supporters) are required to submit proof of income and undergo identity verification. You will only meet with verified individuals.

Before starting a relationship, all conditions such as the purpose of support (tuition, startup funds, etc.), amount (monthly xx yen), duration (until a certain goal is achieved), frequency of meetings (xx times a month), and boundaries (extent of physical contact) will be clearly stated. A contract template reviewed by a lawyer will also be provided.

Yoitoki recommends building healthy relationships with multiple partners instead of relying on one. For example, Partner A (tuition support, 150,000 yen a month, two meetings a month) and Partner B (startup fund support, 100,000 yen a month, one business consultation a month). By not depending on one person, the risk of being controlled is eliminated.

In case of any trouble, you can immediately consult with a specialized team, and problematic users will have their accounts suspended immediately, with legal support available if necessary.

A Data-Driven Overwhelming Difference

Yoitoki's clear relationships significantly reduce the risks of traditional lover relationships while maintaining the benefits.

S-san (27, entrepreneur) shares their experience with Yoitoki.

“I wanted to launch an apparel brand, but I had no funds. I was turned down for a bank loan and was at a loss when I learned about Yoitoki.

A businessman in his 50s became interested in my business plan and partnered with me. I received 200,000 yen a month for one year and had business consultations twice a month during that time.

He was not an ‘investor’ but a ‘partner’. He sought no return and purely supported my growth. A year later, the brand took off, and now it generates 20 million yen in annual sales.

I still keep in touch with him as a ‘mentor.’ This is not a ‘lover’ but a ‘partnership based on mutual respect.’ Meeting through Yoitoki has changed my life.”

Frequently Asked Questions: The Meaning of Lover

Q1: Is the meaning of lover only “affair partner”?

A: No, the dictionary states the first definition is “a person you love; a lover.”

Looking up the Kojien, the first definition of lover is “a person you love; a lover.” The meaning of “an affair partner” is listed as a secondary definition. The Sanseido Dictionary marks the meaning of “an affair partner” with “[slang],” indicating its colloquial usage.

However, in modern Japan, since 82% of people recognize “lover = affair partner,” using it in the sense of “a person you love” may lead to misunderstandings.

Q2: What is the difference between lover and mistress (mekake)?

A: Mistress refers to a legal system before the war, while lover refers to a modern relationship.

Mistress was a legally recognized system in pre-war Japan, referring to women who were economically supported by men apart from their legal wives. The children of mistresses had legal status as “illegitimate children.”

After the war, the mistress system was abolished due to amendments in civil law. The word “mistress,” no longer legally recognized, was replaced by “lover.” The main difference is that while a mistress had a semi-permanent relationship with legal standing, a lover has an undefined duration and lacks legal standing.

Q3: Are lover relationships illegal?

A: As long as there is mutual consent between adults, it is generally legal. However, there are exceptions.

In Japan, free relationships between adults are not prohibited by law. Relationships involving financial support are also legal under the principle of freedom of contract.

However, it becomes illegal if the partner is married and compensation is claimed by their spouse (tort), if engaged with someone under 18 (violation of the Child Welfare Act), or if it violates the Anti-Prostitution Act (engaging in sexual relations with an unspecified number of people for money).

Yoitoki allows only adults over 18 to use it, and it is based on the premise of a sustained relationship with a specific partner, so there are no legal issues.

Q4: What are the advantages and disadvantages of lover relationships?

A: The advantages include economic stability, but often the disadvantages are even greater.

Advantages include financial stability (support ranging from tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of yen per month), freedom of time, improved experience and education, and networking and mentorship.

On the other hand, disadvantages often include a decline in social evaluation, instability in the future, mental stress and loneliness, loss of independence and self-reliance, loss of time and opportunities, and risks of legal troubles or violence/threats.

Many people with experience say, “What I lost was greater.” Caution in judgment is necessary.

Q5: What is the difference between lover and “clear relationship”?

A: Clarity, equality, and a set time period are fundamentally different.

Traditional lover relationships are characterized by vague conditions, secrecy, one-sided dependency, and no fixed duration, with a trouble rate of 47%.

On the other hand, Yoitoki's clear relationships have clearly stated conditions, open choices, equal relationships, time limits (with goals), and a trouble rate of 2.1%.

Clear relationships eliminate the negative elements of traditional lover relationships (ambiguity, secrecy, domination) and achieve healthy modern relational dynamics.

Q6: How can I build a safe relationship?

A: Use a verified platform and clearly state the conditions.

Posting “looking for a lover” on social media is extremely risky (trouble rate of 47%). You will end up meeting someone whose identity is unknown, which significantly raises the risk of trouble.

Instead, by using a verified platform like Yoitoki, the trouble occurrence rate decreases to 2.1%. By clearly stating all conditions from the beginning and putting them in writing, later troubles can be prevented.

Additionally, the key to building a safe relationship is to avoid dependence on a single person, hold relationships with multiple partners, set clear goals, and have a support system to consult with in case of emergencies.

Summary: Correctly Understanding the Meaning of Lover and Relationships in the New Era

The meaning of the word “lover” is broader and more complex than you might think.

If you look it up in the dictionary, the first definition is “a person you love; a lover,” which originally has a positive meaning. However, in modern Japan, 82% of people misunderstand it as “lover = affair partner.”

The images of “the CEO’s lover” and “secret relationships” that the media has depicted for decades have ingrained themselves in the minds of Japanese people. A beautiful term that originally meant “lover” has become associated with negative images such as “infidelity,” “secrecy,” and “control.”

However, times have changed.

The traditional “lover” — characterized by vague conditions, secrecy, and one-sided dependency — is now outdated. Data showing a trouble rate of 47% and a goal achievement rate of 18% highlight its dangers.

Instead, a new concept has emerged: “Clear Relationship.” This mature adult relationship is where conditions are clearly stated from the beginning, mutual respect is emphasized, and a time limit is set. This is the form of modern, healthy relationships proposed by Yoitoki.

If you are struggling with tuition, startup funds, study abroad costs, and considering a relationship that provides financial support, please choose a new “clear relationship” rather than the old “lover.”

Posting “looking for a lover” on social media is extremely dangerous. Instead, using a specialized platform with verified identities, clearly stated conditions, and 24-hour support (like Yoitoki) can help you build a healthy and safe relationship.

Receiving support to realize your dreams is not something to be ashamed of.

Don’t be bound by the old term “lover” and consider the new option of “clear relationship.” With the right knowledge and the right choices, your life can move forward significantly.

Not “lover” but “clear relationship”

Yoitoki — Achieving a mature, mutually beneficial, and healthy relationship

📊 WhyYoitoki is chosen

✅ 100% identity verification — Proof of income and identity verified
✅ All conditions clearly stated — No ambiguity, contract reviewed by a lawyer
✅ 2.1% trouble rate — 96% decrease compared to traditional relationships
✅ 24-hour support — Specialized team available at all times
✅ 87% goal achievement rate — Making your dreams come true

🎁 [Limited Time] Special Offers Until January 31

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 2️⃣ Relationship Building Guidebook — How to build a healthy relationship (PDF 45 pages)
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 4️⃣ Contract Template Provided — Reviewed by a lawyer

[Start a clear relationship with Yoitoki →]

💬 I’ll answer all your concerns before you start

❓“How is it different from a lover?” → Clearly stated conditions, time-limited, equal relationship

❓“Is it really safe?” → Everyone is identity verified, trouble rate of 2.1%

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❓“Can I really achieve my goals?” → 87% achieve their goals, average support period of 1.8 years

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With the new “clear relationship,” not the old “lover,” realize your dreams

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