What is the true meaning, and what is the "next step" that people who succeed in love cherish?

Introduction｜Why does love become painful even though we know the ABCs of love?

"I should understand the ABCs of love, yet somehow my love life isn't going well"
"The relationship is progressing, yet I can't feel at ease"
Have you ever felt such discomfort?

In modern encounters,
・The physical distance has decreased
・The time spent together has increased
Yet,
"I don't know what the other person is thinking"
"I can't see where this relationship is headed"
These concerns have significantly increased.

The background behind this is the change of times and misunderstanding of the ABCs of love.

In this article,
・The correct meaning of the ABCs of love
・Why just knowing the ABCs doesn't lead to success in love
・The mindset of what should truly be cherished "beyond that"
I will explain carefully.

Table of Contents

Introduction｜Why does love become painful even though we know the ABCs of love?

What are the ABCs of love? Let's start by correctly understanding its meaning.

D = Pregnancy, E = Not necessarily marriage⁉

What the modern HIJK concept indicates

Why doesn't knowing just the ABCs lead to success in love?

The truly important steps beyond the ABCs of love

Structural problems faced by modern encounters

How Yoitoki thinks about "Dealing with the ABCs of love"

Love that is not swayed by the ABCs of love

FAQ｜Common questions about the ABCs of love

Summary｜What is more important than the ABCs of love is "having aligned intentions"

What are the ABCs of love? Let's start by correctly understanding its meaning.

First, what are the ABCs of love? Understanding this accurately is the starting point for everything.

Generally, the ABCs of love are defined as follows.

• A: Kiss
  The first intimate step to physically show affection.
• B: Physical contact (such as petting)
  Refers to the stage where physical closeness increases, going beyond a kiss.
• C: Sexual intercourse
  The stage of progressing to the deepest physical relationship.

What is important here is,
The ABCs of love indicate "stages of physical acts," and are not a measure of feelings such as affection or seriousness.

D = Pregnancy, E = Not necessarily marriage⁉

In discussions about the ABCs of love,
the continuation often mentioned is "DEFZ." In many cases, it is used with the following meanings

• D: Pregnancy
  In the past, the importance of contraception was not emphasized as it is today, so going to C was often associated with the risk of pregnancy, serving as a cautionary aspect.
• E: Marriage
  Although it may not always follow this order, the idea that if pregnancy is discovered, one should get married (register) is reflected here.
• F: Family
  Having children and being married means becoming a family. F can also be seen as a milestone in the steps from A to E.
• Z: End
  The relationship between the two is not eternal. There are as many ways to end as there are couples, but it is said that Z, coming last in the alphabet, is added as the end of DEF.

However, contrary to what is commonly known, from the perspective of relationship psychology and counseling,
these are considered distinctly.

• ABCs of love
  → Stages of acts in romantic/sexual relationships
• Pregnancy, marriage, family
  → Choices and outcomes related to life and social systems

In other words,
It does not mean that marriage or family automatically follows from the ABCs.

If one proceeds in a relationship without understanding this difference,
"Since we've come this far, they must be serious"
"If there is a physical relationship, they must be considering the future"
Such expectations can easily arise.

And when those expectations are betrayed,
it can lead to deep wounds and distrust.

What the modern HIJK concept indicates

• H: Sex
  Nowadays, the barriers to having a physical relationship have lowered, so many cases involve having a physical relationship before dating, then considering dating.
• I: Love is born
  In today's world, many people believe that love only arises after getting to know each other's true selves and feelings through physical relationships.
• J: Having children
  This corresponds to the old D stage. The image of "shotgun weddings" and "unplanned pregnancies" is not as negatively viewed as before, so J has entered the pre-marriage stage.
• K: Marriage
  With diverse living arrangements today, it is no longer necessary to choose marriage. This refers to the choice of marriage and the subsequent life that comes from it.

Such interpretations are very human and natural feelings.
However, from a professional perspective, they are organized as follows.

• Acts (H)
• Emotions (I)
• Results (J)
• Systems (K)

These do not necessarily occur in order.

Sometimes love arises before acts,
or love deepens after marriage.
Even with children, relationships may not work out.

In other words,
It is not guaranteed that love exists just because acts are progressing.

Why doesn't knowing just the ABCs lead to success in love?

The ABCs of love represent only part of love.
What truly influences the quality of a relationship lies before and after.

For example,
・What kind of relationship do both parties desire?
・Is it a short-term encounter or a long-term relationship?
・Are they seeking security or excitement?

If ABCs progress without aligning these factors,
a gap between actions and feelings will arise.

That gap is the true nature of
"Ambiguous relationships"
"The anxiety of becoming a convenient existence."

The truly important steps beyond the ABCs of love

People who succeed in love value the following more than the ABCs.

• What am I seeking?
• What is the other person seeking?
• Are those directions aligned?

This is not a game of strategy.
It is confirming honesty and equality.

If both intentions align, there will be less anxiety about how the relationship progresses.
Conversely, if the intentions do not align,
no matter how intimate the actions are, the heart will not be satisfied.

Structural problems faced by modern encounters

In modern Japan, matching apps have become popular, making it common for many people to seek encounters casually.

However, in many matching apps,
・Judgment is made based only on photos and profiles
・Long chats are presumed
・Expectations become overly inflated before meeting

Such structures exist.

In this environment,
It is easy for the ABCs of love to take precedence, while aligning each other's intentions is often postponed.

Because of this, those who particularly value honesty and security tend to get tired of the conventional flow of matching apps.

How Yoitoki thinks about "Dealing with the ABCs of love"

Yoitoki does not deny the ABCs of love.
However, aligning intentions is the most important thing before the ABCs.

Yoitoki emphasizes matching based on the following elements through its heart-connecting AI.

• Purpose of the relationship
• Values
• Lifestyle
• Pace of meetings and style of dates

Additionally,
・Who pays
・Budget
・Style of dates
are shared in advance.

Therefore,
"Enduring difficult questions"
"Meeting while carrying ambiguous expectations"
such burdens are less likely to arise.

Love that is not swayed by the ABCs of love

The ABCs of love are a convenient term.
However, if you are swayed by it,
you may lose sight of your feelings.

What is important is,
・How far you have progressed
not,
・What kind of relationship you are building

If right now,
you are feeling,
"What is this relationship?"
then that is proof that your feelings are correct.

FAQ｜Common questions about the ABCs of love

Q1. If the ABCs of love progress, will the relationship go well?
A. The progression of acts and the stability of the relationship are different. The alignment of intentions and values is crucial.

Q2. Is it strange to feel anxious even though there is a physical relationship?
A. It is not strange at all. It is a sign that emotions and actions are not aligned.

Q3. Should I worry less about the ABCs of love?
A. Keep it as a reference and prioritize your own feelings.

Q4. Doesn't aligning intentions feel heavy?
A. Rather, it is a kindness to reduce misunderstandings and injuries later.

Q5. Is Yoitoki meant for serious people?
A. It is suitable for those with clear intentions, including short-term and casual encounters.

Summary｜What is more important than the ABCs of love is "having aligned intentions"

The ABCs of love are merely a part of romance.
What is truly important is,

• To value your own feelings
• To face the other person equally
• Not to tolerate ambiguity

If you are tired of an ambiguous relationship,
it may be time to reconsider how you meet.

Yoitoki values encounters where intentions are aligned before meeting,
allowing for a safe relationship to develop.

At your own pace, a meeting that you can wholeheartedly agree with.